Open O45 vs St Ives O45 (R1 Trophy)

I think we can all agree that there was only one sporting fixture of any consequence this weekend. Trivial fixtures in Australia, North London, St Albans and Southend mattered not. The media spotlight was, quite rightly, solely fixed on the St Ives Community Sports Centre for HHC's mens Over 45s fixture against their St Ives counterparts - and it didn't disappoint.

Skipper, Tactical Mastermind, President, Chauffeur, Match Reporter and Talisman Fraser Tant (Not my words - the words of... no, actually, those are my words. Others might have different words) had assembled a squad that on paper seemed the perfect blend of experience, age, class, pedigree and other synonyms for 'being really old'. For all of them, it was welcome respite from chasing after people 30 years younger on a Saturday. Dutch Master (see what I've done there?) Ade represented the youth policy - being the only player out on the pitch under 50 - while at the other end of the scale, Vijay was the senior pro. Not quite sure how old he is but pretty sure he said he remembers the Wall Street Crash so that's a clue.

Anywho, the squad assembled in the depths of Cambridgeshire equipped with flippers and snorkles expecting a deluge, but actually the sun shone down throughout, a literal bright spot in an otherwise dreadful sporting weekend. And what ensued was a really pleasant game, with absolutely zero niggle or grumbling at umpires. (Unrelated: Firebrand club captain Rusty Timms was unavailable).  Harpenden's midfield of aforementioned youngster Ade and pocket dynamos Skills and (Mr) Singer controlled the game, while at the back the Moxi (Kev and Clive) had all the time, class and options they needed to distribute in the way that their patented 2-2-1-2-1-2 'Microphone Testing' formation demands. With the ball largely being in the hosts' half, it therefore came as something of a shock when St Ives took the lead midway through the first half, Harps' otherwise uninvolved keeper Ross Catto somehow contriving to deflect a cross into his own net. Despite a number of short corners and bossing possession, that's how it remained at the break.

At half time, there was a suggestion from the Veteran Irish Poacher that we abandon the diamond formation and revert to an old-school 4-3-3. This put the skipper between two Moxham shaped rocks and one Irish hard place. Too intimated to make a decision, the plan was to be more aggressive and all play a touch higher up, and within a minute of the restart, QC bagged a leveler with a deft reverse slap after a flowing team move and pinpoint cross from Gareth Malone lookalike Holmesy.

With the wind in their sails and the oppo flagging, Harps really took control. Within minutes, they'd bagged another tremendous team goal, with both pint-sized full backs Nashy and Jack involved as the ball went around the back patiently, then into midfield, a super ball into the channel from the ever-spritely Taza into FT, who drove into the D. The ball was slipped under the arm to Singer, whose shot was only parried into the path of the skipper who fired home on the rebound. Then, on the hour, a third goal, this time from a well worked short corner, Skills firing the ball to the right post where Singer deftly deflected in like an England bastman nudging to second slip. 3-1 and the game was in the bag. Five minutes later, that bag was hermetically sealed and had a bow attached when Holmesy surprised everyone by sweeping in QC's wayward shot on the forehand, when all historic evidence suggests he would make it much harder for himself by letting it go beyond his body and taking it on the reverse. There was a moment of minor controversy when QC tried to claim that it was in fact a pass rather than a shot, but this was rightly pooh-poohed as everyone knows that on principal QC has never and never will pass when a shot is even remotely possible.

At this point, the lilywhites had complete control of the game, and could have extended their lead, but instead decided to test their teammates with a succession of wayward passes that resulted in plenty of St Ives long corners and sideline hits. None of these amounted to anything, which meant that other than scoring his OG, Ross really didn't earn his post-match lasagne (pictured above as I forgot to take a team photo). However, it was delicious so it would have been wrong to deprive him. 

So, 4-1 was the result, a score and performance that proves that the Moxi Microphone Formation CAN work provided a: the oppo are all over 45, and b: if white socks, rather than blue, are worn (or c: if played by our ladies 1s, who are smashing it right now.) The prize is a home fixtures against Bury St Edmunds in January. With another performance like this, the whites will indeed surely bury St Edmunds.